Pain is Thunder
by icedintheveins
Summary: The slushy was not the first time Kurt had panicked over Blaine being hurt.  Or five times Kurt was anxious at the thought of Blaine in pain.


[ **one** – the stairway ]

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It's almost like a reflex – an alarming one at that.

Because he's only known Blaine for a couple of days, but already, he's starting to care way more about this guy than is probably healthy. And he's not talking about staring at his adorable "Courage" texts, or hanging up that picture in his locker – no, he's talking about the feeling in his gut, the adrenaline that rushes through his veins when Karofsky backs him up to the fence, pushing hard against Blaine's chest.

Blaine is tiny, it's no secret. Karofsky's nearly twice his size, and Kurt feels his heart leap to his throat as Blaine takes the hit, putting his arms up in surrender.

Kurt moves fast, launching himself in between them. He'd never really been aware of his own strength, but apparently he has quite a bit because he manages to push Karofsky off of Blaine easily, throwing him backward. Karofsky looks surprised for a second before he puts his tough face back on.

Kurt looks anxiously to Blaine, wanting to make sure he's alright.

But when Karofsky hurries down the stairs and out of sight, Blaine mutters a light, "Well, he's not coming out any time soon," and straightens up, dusting off his blazer as if nothing had happened.

Kurt breathes a small sigh of relief, and as his worried feelings over Blaine subside, his own problems come rushing back to him.

He collapses to the stairs, thinking absently about everything that's gone on and how having Blaine in his life now is probably going to be a whole lot more stressful than he would like it to be.

And maybe a whole lot worth it.

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[ **two **– sadie hawkins ]

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Kurt feels like he's going to throw up.

His eyes flicker away from Blaine's face for a second, and he tries to catch his breath. It doesn't really work and he looks back, taking in the way Blaine's eyes are cast downward, his lips pulled down into the faintest of frowns. Kurt doesn't like it – not at all. It makes his stomach churn and his heart wrench because this only the outside.

You see, Kurt's gotten used to the way Blaine bottles things up by now. He's used to the way Blaine is slow to accept help and open to people, including Kurt. It's easier with Kurt, he talks a lot more, a lot longer, isn't as afraid, but Kurt knows he's not telling everything. Kurt knows that there are some things Blaine has a hard time talking about, this obviously being one of them.

Involuntarily, Kurt moves his hand, but draws back discreetly. Blaine looks uncomfortable – this was just one of those rare moments where he completely bares himself – and Kurt needs to respect that, needs to give him some space.

"I'm so sorry," Kurt chokes out, unable to say anything else.

"I'm out and I'm proud," Blaine continues, and then hesitates a little, "but this is just a sore spot." He reaches up, resting his cheek on his hand, and Kurt can no longer take the battered look on his face.

So he does what he does best – he starts rambling, starts trying to make Blaine feel better in any way that he can, and just like always, Blaine shakes his head, smiling.

"We'll just watch a movie instead," Kurt finishes, heart still beating a little irregularly against his ribcage.

Blaine takes him completely by surprise. "I'm crazy about you," he says softly, grinning a little half-smirk, and Kurt's heart skips a beat – this time_ not_ from anxiety.

"So is that a yes?" Kurt asks, narrowing his eyes.

"Yes," Blaine replies simply, and Kurt bounces in his seat, biting his lip. "You and I are going to prom."

Kurt nods, try to keep himself calm, but it's a little hard when he feels like he might explode. He still finds it amazing how Blaine can cheer him up in any situation.

However, as their date goes on, and the conversation strays to other things, Blaine's confession comes rushing back, and Kurt quickly loses his appetite, pushing away his dessert. He's trying to stay focused on their current situation, forcing a smile on his face, but truthfully, all he can think about is what must have happened after that Sadie Hawkins dance. All he can think about is Blaine at the tender age of fourteen – maybe even thirteen, lying on the ground all bruised and bloody, and so he holds Blaine's hand a little tighter, reminding himself that his boyfriend is right here, right in front of him and most definitely okay – physically, that is.

Mentally, Kurt's not so sure.

And he supposes that's the part that scares him the most.

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[ **three** – scars ]

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The first thing Kurt feels in confused.

They've been dating each other for five months, known each other for nine, and they've shared a good amount of makeout sessions. And now here they are in the middle of August, curled up on the couch with a movie playing quietly in front of them. Blaine's dozing off, his head in Kurt's lap, and Kurt begins to absently run his fingers through Blaine's hair. He twists his fingertips around Blaine's curls, traces his hairline – just plays with his hair. But when his fingers brush just over Blaine's left ear, he freezes.

He feels the skin again, pressing a little harder and paying close attention. His eyebrows crease together, and he shifts his weight, straightening up.

Blaine stirs, blinking up at him, groggy and dazed.

"There something wrong?" he asks, voice thick with sleep.

"You have a scar," Kurt remarks. "A really jagged one. Right behind your ear."

Blaine nods, running a hand through his hair. "Yeah," he says simply.

"I never noticed it," Kurt says, shrugging slightly. He hesitates, scared to ask and scared of the answer. "Do you – do mind telling me where you got it?"

Blaine shakes his head. "Nah – it was from Sadie Hawkins. One of the guys had some fun with his car keys. Tried carving something into my skull, I guess." He turns his head to the side, yawning, and Kurt stares at him incredulously.

His throat his dry, and his heart has seemed to have dropped to the ground.

"What?" Blaine asks, rubbing his neck.

Kurt shakes his head, blinking rapidly. "Nothing," he says. "Just – " he laughs humorlessly " – we're still learning things about each other."

"That's a good thing," Blaine says, snuggling up to Kurt's side again. "Keeps our relationship interesting – it's healthy."

"Not when it's things like that," Kurt says, heaving a deep breath. "It makes my blood pressure rise."

Blaine chuckles, burying his face in Kurt's chest.

"Well, I'm fine," he says as he pulls back, lowering himself back into Kurt's lap and closing his eyes.

"And I'm glad," Kurt says, trying to shake the horrid thoughts from his mind.

He goes back to playing with Blaine's hair, paying special attention to the way Blaine's body feels against his – the rise and fall of his chest, the thump of his pulse – it's not something Kurt takes for granted. Not now, not ever.

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[ **four **– west side story ]

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Kurt has seen West Side Story – of course he has. And he knows that Tony dies, so he should be prepared right? He's watched Blaine perform it a thousand times before opening night. He should be fine.

But he's not.

Because he and Blaine haven't been speaking to each other. They've been mostly indifferent, avoiding each other slightly because they're both too scared to face the other. And then Blaine gets on that stage, he takes that bullet, and he goes down. Kurt watches as Rachel holds him, sings softly as he dies in her arms, his eyes fluttering shut.

Kurt swallows hard, a hand reaching up involuntarily to cover his mouth. He knows Blaine isn't dead, _he knows_, but that doesn't stop the rush of panic and grief that grip him. It doesn't stop the tears from prickling at his eyes, and the wrenching of his heart.

And God, he feels so awful – so _stupid._

Because what if this was real? What if Blaine had really died and he hadn't gotten the chance to apologize? Kurt hates to think about that. And really, he just hates being mad at Blaine in general. He can't do it, he really can't. He loves Blaine too much to keep this up.

Usually, he stands stubborn, caring too much about his pride. But he can't do that with Blaine. Blaine is way more important than his stupid pride. Blaine's everything in the world and more to him. He – he has to make this right. He has to fix things before they get even worse.

As Blaine is carried offstage, Kurt tries to compose himself. He takes a deep breath, wiping his eyes and hoping sincerely that he didn't just get make-up everywhere. Blaine stands up, a huge smile on his face, obviously pleased with the performance. Everyone claps him on the back, telling him what a fantastic job he did at dying. They chuckle, they laugh, they smile, and it Kurt takes a second to remind himself that he shouldn't be horrified at that

Blaine's alive.

He's alive and well, and Kurt is just overreacting.

Kurt takes a deep breath, giving himself a shake, and then hurries onstage with everyone else for final bows.

He's done playing it safe, or rather – stupid. He has to talk to Blaine after the show. He has to fix this before he really starts drowning in guilt and regret.

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[ **five** – the slushy ]

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It seems to happen in slow motion.

Kurt sees the slushy coming, prepares himself for the onslaught of cold and pain, and then suddenly, there's Blaine, throwing himself awkwardly in front of Kurt. Kurt catches just a few flecks of the red slushy on his arm, but that really doesn't matter because for some reason, Blaine is lying on the ground _screaming_, and Kurt's heart leaps to his throat.

"Oh my god."

He falls to the ground, placing one hand on Blaine's waist, reaching the other awkwardly towards his head. He wonders briefly if he hit it on the cement, but it looks like his shoulder broke the fall. Kurt swallows hard, completely unsure what to do because Blaine has his face in his hands and he won't stop crying out in pain, but Kurt has no idea why it would hurt this bad. Sure, slushies aren't the most comfortable of things to have thrown on you, but it certainly isn't_ this_ bad.

And God, now horrible thoughts start running through Kurt's mind. Like himself being pushed to the ground by Karofsky, and Rory being pelted with dodgeballs, and Blaine at Sadie Hawkins, and _shit._ Kurt's suddenly thinking about that night, imagining it in every way he's ever thought of. To be honest, Kurt still doesn't know much of what happened and he expects he never will.

But if he ever wanted a good demonstration of what it was like, he's pretty sure this right now is it.

"Blaine," he says frantically, finally finding his voice. "Blaine, what's wrong?"

He grits his teeth, trying to calm himself down and stop the yelling. "It's – my _eye_," he chokes out, curling up tighter into a ball, his hand rubbing his face even harder. "Oh, God. I think I'm blind," he groans.

"Blaine," Kurt says sternly as he stops rocking, finally relaxing. "Blaine, just let me see it."

"No," Blaine says quietly.

"Blaine – "

"Kurt, I don't want to open it," Blaine says, gasping a little as he moves. "Oh, _God._ Oh my god, it hurts _so bad_," he says through clenched teeth.

"Blaine, if it's really this bad, maybe we should go to the hospital," Kurt says, his voice starting to shake. "You could be having an allergic reaction."

"No," Blaine says. "No, it's just my eye that hurts the worst."

"Yeah, come on," Kurt says, nodding. "We're taking you to the hospital. Do you think you can stand up?"

"I'm going to need help," Blaine sighs. "I can't see. I really – I can't open my eye. _Shit_." He gasps again, letting out another loud sound of frustration. He feels Kurt pulling him up, shoving his hands underneath his armpits and pulling him upward. Blaine stumbles forward, but Kurt catches him, wrapping an arm around his shoulder.

"Alright," Kurt says, swallowing hard. "Just – let's go slowly. My car's right over here."

Blaine obliges, and Kurt starts to breathe a little easier. They've still got the hospital ahead of them, but thank God it's only Blaine's eye. Kurt isn't sure what he would have done had it been something worse.

He helps Blaine into the passenger's seat, buckling him up. As they drive away, Blaine leans his head against the window, trying to keep the noises of pain to a minimum. The hospital's only a few minutes away, but it feels like an eternity, and it's only the start of a long night, and even longer next few weeks.

But somehow, they manage to get through it – the surgery, the triggers, everything.

And Kurt decides that after everything, he's really quite sick of the stress and hopes that Blaine never injures himself again.

Luckily for him, it's a long time before Blaine hurts himself like that again ( - a sprained ankle while they're moving into their new apartment in Brooklyn).

However, a few weeks later, Blaine does come down with a sinus infection.

Kurt doesn't lose it. He comes close, but he doesn't.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** After this last episode, I started thinking way too much about what that slushy would've triggered. And this happened.


End file.
